Running log July 2011

31: Two hours at night. Last 5K with great legs. Engine is running a little hot; maybe it's time to back off a little before I get injured.

30: 5 (five!) runs throughout the day, to the playground, to the store, with Christian etc. PR on 10xHills: 21:16!

29: 5K jog with the Girl and the Dualie jogger. Weight: 65.7kg

28: Long run: 2:15. Five loops on the perimerter trail.

27; Mixed stuff. Can't really remember. 1X Stenskoven

26: PR on 10XHills: 21:28!

25: Biked 3xStenskoven. Ran a little bit?

24: Treadmill intervals (in the rain). Couldn't remember how I did them last year. Now, I run 4000 twice, like this: 3X800 fast with 200m at 12.5kmph in between. The last 1000 I run at 0% incline (the rest at 1%). Got 15:11 and 14:55, I think.

23: Hill loops under 2:20: 35 loops!! New PR

19: Hills loops under 2:20: 29 loops. New PR

17: 10x Hills: 21:35. I think close to a PR, but I'm not sure.

The early part of the month, I ran in Sweden and in Denmark, but nothing was timed.

A good day

It's hard to complain about life right now. Getting back into shape should be my priority number 6 or 7, or whatever number sounds good to you. Without a doubt, there are bigger things on my plate right now, like the Girl, the kids and work.

But I have to admit I've been waiting to get fast since last fall, and finally being able to train hard feels great. This winter and spring, my work (and commute) and being a dad to Natali took too much time to seriously train. One would think that exchanging a 10-year old for a new-born would add more work, but I was more or less a single parent to Natali for most of the time. Most nights, it was a question of going for a run or spending time with her, and she could manipulate me very effectively.

So I'm coming into this late summer very undertrained but perhaps the most excited about running and competing I have ever been. And I'm not even that undertrained. Sure, the miles have been low, but I've run 4 or 5 marathons around 3:10 to 3:15 and they should be able to count for long runs through spring and winter. So, I'm not starting from scratch.

These last weeks, I've gotten serious. I've lost weight and I'm improving quickly. With everything else going on in life, it's intoxicating to feel myself getting faster almost daily. Maybe it's escapism, but at least it's a healthy form of it.

So what am I training for?

I still have enough track runner in me to think of ultras as just a little bit of a cop-out. You can't really compare the times in those races, not to races of equal distance or, really, to the same race previous years.

On the other hand, I train almost 100% on trails, and when the Girl and I talk about races for the fall and next year, they are all trail races and/or ultras. I think a compromise will be to run a few "real" races, just to post some times to show (myself) that I am fit, and then run the trail ultras for the awesome experiences they can be.

This evening, a solid PR on my hilly route capped off a perfect day of paternity leave. I've gotten so incredibly close to Christian since the baby was born. It's a combination of having time for him, while also wanting him to know that the new baby isn't going to replace him. He is such funny age (three and a half), and his language is such a comedic treasure trove. I can feel that just this last week I have changed the way he looks at things, and I love getting that feedback from him.

The baby is perfect, meaning that he is cute, eats and sleeps well and holds the promise of becoming someone with a personality soon. The Girl is a superwoman, for good and for bad. She is being watched, both in real life and on her blog, while she pushes the envelope for what's possible post-partum. She would do well to take a day off now and then and enjoy her maternity leave but I have very little to say in that matter.

And the two kids in America are doing well. Andreas is spending the week in northern Wisconsin and Natali is about to start soccer camp.

A Baby is Born!

Mattias was born yesterday. Everything went well and we were back in our apartment with a perfect brand-new baby 5 hours after we left home. The epic details can be found on the Girl's blog, of course. She is already at the gym working out and showing off her newborn son.

Becoming a dad for the fourth time has released a lot of strange emotions in me. I've thought even more than usually about my two kids in La Crosse. We skyped yesterday and Natali was very interested in everything. Andreas took a quick look at the baby and promptly went back to playing Wii Mario.

Christian had been with my parents for a few days and already knew that the baby had been born. When my parents brought him to our house, we had put the baby in the back bedroom, so we could "discover" him together. He exclaimed, "there is my baby" and ran over to look him over dilligently. He did poke at the little eyes, and a few times an elbow found its way drilling heavily into the defenseless baby, but he seemed genuinely excited to meet his little brother.


The impending delivery and all its uncertainties, like whether it would produce a normal, healthy baby, had blocked our view of the future a bit. But now it seems realistic to start planning the life that starts after my fellowship ends on December 31st.

We had talked about moving to Madison, but it turns out that we'll be in La Crosse next year. No doubt Madison would have been cool, but I'll be working a lot closer to La Crosse and it will be great to live right by the kids. Also, La Crosse has somewhat better running and much better biking opportunities than Madison.

Which leads me to our racing schedule for next year. For the first time in months, I am starting to train seriously. I have already dropped 3 or 4 pounds and I can feel that I am getting faster every day. We have Skovløberen, a trail marathon, and the Milwaukee marathon planned. I don't think neither I nor the Girl will be able to hit peak shake so early though, so hopefully we can find a race in late October/early November. Maybe the Copenhagen 6 Hours? I will have to look into that; for now I just enjoy getting back in shape.

The plans, in terms of race schedule, are also solidifying for next year. I think Ice Age (50k for me, 50m for the Girl) and Voyageur are pretty certain as is a little triathlon near La Crosse (the first triathlon we ever did in 2008). La Crosse has a marathon now, called Granddad's Marathon (named after the big bluff towering over the city), but it's all on roads and the level of competition has varied a lot in its first two years. We may run the Tuscobia race, which is put on by my ex brother-in-law, Tim Roe. And we're talking about the Birkie, although the Girl has never cross-country skied.

The Girl is home, beaming from being able to exercise the day after giving birth.

Awash in Nostalgia

Natali bent down and cried a little when she said goodbye to the Lorax. They have lived together for two years and won't see each other until October. My ex made a point of not inviting me inside, instead insisting on being friendly enough outside her house. Andreas was already inside, so he didn't get to say goodbye to his brother, and probably didn't care. I talked for a while with my ex, while the Lorax looked at her dogs and wondered aloud where Natali had gone to. It was like he knew she was more gone than when she usually disappears from sight.

I get to spend one more day with them, when I get off from work after this weekend, but the Lorax will head back to Milwaukee with his grandmother tomorrow.

I took Christian for a walk around downtown La Crosse. He marvelled at the same things Natali and Andreas did five years ago, when we first moved here. It's such a beautiful, cool night here; the Lorax shrieked as he chased sticks down the little stream that flows from one of the statues. He got too excited and stepped in the little river, just as his brother did 4 years ago.

I could have cried, but I haven't yet. The Lorax sleeps with his grandmother and I just got back from a run. I planned to go running around town and to thicken the nostalgia I ran around the hospital where we used to live. Many of the houses were hit by a tornado this spring and ours is marked with a neon orange box. Some houses have x's inside the boxes, and they seem to be condemned, but ours had a family moving in. It struck me that the new interns are probably starting next week.

I snuck around the back and almost couldn't breathe as I looked into our old kitchen. Birthdays with the kids, our first Christmas in La Crosse, my early romance with the Girl, the kids running out the back door; it all came back to me. It felt so close, like I could reach back in time and walk in there to a life that resembled normalcy.

I could see the bedroom ceiling and imagined all our things on the floor. I imagined waking up there with the Girl on a warm summer morning, listening to the birds outside.

It's an end of an era. Natali has been a light in my life these last two years and she has been a major positive force in Christian's life. She is very proud of what she has accomplished in Denmark and talks about keeping a similar lifestyle in La Crosse. I hope she succeeds.

Now that she is gone, there are a few positives. I will have more time for Christian and the Girl, not to mention the new baby. Natali and the Girl have a step-mother, step-daughter relationship that I don't understand. Seeing their disagreements move into the background will be nice.

But even with a myopic focus on the positives, I am already counting down the days till we move back here.

I felt moved to write a blog post just now. I'm on the train home and was reading World According to Garp. Garp's kid just died and I was starting to water up so bad I couldn't pass it off as allergies. The girl opposite me was looking at me, trying to figure out what was going on.

What's going on is that I am a mess. Natali has 10 days left here and she is doing everything once last time. Everything is a panicky realization that " dad, we won't be able to do that before we leave!". She is planning things with each of her friends, exchanging email addresses and Skype info. She hasn't started packing yet; in fact, she still decorates her room, pretending she will be in it forever.

I have resolved not to wallow. The Girl blames me for being too nostalgic, and she is right. If I started grieving, I would take it too far, and ruin Natali's last weeks here.

It's six months and we'll be in Wisconsin for The Girl's maternity leave (likely Madison, but we not 100% sure). But I'm not built for these long waits, at least not anymore. She will grow up without me there for an entire half year, making new friends, changing, learning, opining.

The critical reader may say that I have another son, who I readily left for three whole years. And that read would be right; my only explanation is that people adapt to anything, and my adaptation was to dote on Natali. I look forward to spending time with both of them this winter, so all is not bad.

The fact that the new baby is not growing adequately is making this time worse. I couldn't believe that the Girl returned from the doctor's yesterday with scary information and less that half-assed reassurance that "things are probably ok". An u
Ultrasound will tell us if things are ok, not a nurse who is behind schedule and wants to "move the meat" (which happened to be something I said all the time as a senior resident, but it seemed cool then). Goddamn Danish health care. Especially primary care is so dangerously incompetent that one always has to hope for a quick referral to a specialist.

So on the positive side,

The weather is good
Work is good
I'll be a hematologist in 6 short months, ending my life-crippling commute.
The kids don't have leukemia
The Girl is slowly starting her maternity leave. She is happy and healthy.
Natali loves it here and will think of these two years as the best of her life.

on the other hand,

I have a life-crippling commute
I'm too emotionally labile to read Garp in public
I'm fat (ran a 3:19 marathon that felt like a 3:05 marathon should)
Natti is leaving
I worry about the baby

A day in the life of Danish Health Care

A young man is getting chemo for his cancer. He has about a 60% chance of cure and it's very important that he gets scanned on time between his chemo treatments.

His chance of cure may fall to 59% or 59.5% if he doesn't get scanned on time, or it may not fall at all, statistically. But for his kind of cancer, having spread the way it has, this particular scan and this very particular time will guide which chemo he gets next.

But Denmark needs money. So the health care budget grew less than it should, meaning each hospital got less money. At our hospital, the radiology department was hit unreasonably hard. CT slots were cut. Nurses, techs and radiologists were no longer allowed to work overtime, as this is usually very well-paid in Denmark.

The wait-lists grew, but since our patients tend to be very sick and very salvagable, they tend to get the scans they need, and I have only been vaguely aware of the problem.

Until Thursday, when I realized my patient hadn't gotten his scheduled scan. My first thought (my first fear, rather) was that I had forgotten to schedule it. But no; there it was, clearly ordered for a specific week. I called radiology and was told it couldn't be done on time. I had to tell this to the patient. He is a nice guy, with a warm smile, but he was visibly worried about the delayed scan. I had to walk a tight line between blaming "the system" (and keeping his faith in me) and pretending the scan could easily wait (keeping his faith in the system).

I got his scan scheduled today, after reaching an onco-radiologist, who sympathized with my plight. Still, the scan will be a week late.

For those interested, here are my thoughts on the future of the Danish health care system.

I think the standard of care is running away from Denmark. So far, we have been saved by our wealth and a health care system that offered high-level care in bare-bones surroundings. In Denmark, we have been able to treat people with $100,000 biologic agents, while they sleep in 3-bed hospital rooms with a shared bathroom (if they are lucky; sometimes, they sleep in the hallway). But the growth in the number of, and duration of, treatments have outpaced economic growth. Where, just 10 years ago, some diseases had very cheap, palliative treatments, there are now piles of novel, or biologic, agents to try. They are without serious side effects, so you can use them in everyone.

We're seeing some rationing, but it's politically impossible for anyone to devise a list of who can receice which drugs, and who can't. Drug costs will rise exponentially and the health care budget will stay steady.

I'm not optimistic. The Scandinavian credo has always been that everyone deserves the same care, rich or poor. In ten years, a wealthy American (or a wealthy Chinese, for that matter) will receive care that is unavailable in Denmark. Can we stand that?

Now, I'm not neccesarily a fan of the American health care system. Where I frequently work, it's not unusual to see people in their twenties with dentures, because their parents couldn't afford dental care (or the one medicaid dentist in the area moved). I have seen old couples ration out pills between them, because they couldn't afford meds for two.

I don't know what's right, but I don't like what I see.

In other news, I'm fat. Natali thought it was funny that my man boobs jumped up and down last night. I am so miserably out of shape.

In other, other news, the Girl and I have a plan. It's great; it's a dream, and my spirits are high. The plan? I can't reveal it, for fear of the Girl changing her mind.

All over again

We're back from an almost month-long vacation. First, it was two weeks in America; then, half a week back at work and off again to Mallorca for our triathlon training camp.

We had a great week there. The island is mostly known for its white sandy beaches, but cycling is another major source of tourism. We didn't train as intensively as the other members of our group, who are all accomplished triathletes (most of whom have completed Ironmen (Ironmans?) in 10-11 hours).

They would get up and swim every morning at 7 and then ride around a hundred miles a day.

The mountains on Mallorca go up to 1400 meters, with the highest paved mountain pass at 1100 meters. The longest climb is 13K at 7.4%. I've never climbed real mountains before and loved every minute of it. If I lived by mountains, I doubt I would be a runner.

Christian has no idea whether he is in Denmark, America or Spain. He liked the beach and the fact that we bought him toy cars and ice cream. He loves Lightning McQueen and screams "Lamma Queen!", when he sees anything related to Cars (which is all the time on the Mallorcan tourist strips).

Because of our peculiar life, Natali travels a lot, but she only sees the same two countries, and most of her vacations are spent at her mom's house. She lapped up the sights and sounds of Mallorca and tried speaking a little Spanish here and there. She is such a thinker; she notices and questions everything.

After we got back from America a few weeks ago, she missed her mom so much that she would wail in frustrated despair. It was difficult for a few days, but it got better. She has always stated that she wants to stay with her mom, and she smiles when I go on about how much I'm going to miss her. I think she considers me the strong parent; the one who will stay a constant in her life, no matter what. She often mentions that her mom does not miss her enough, and that she never seems sad when she says goodbye.

Now, her move back to La Crosse is just a month away, and she can see it coming. I realized that I have no more weekdays off until we leave for America in June. I told her, and the realization that we wouldn't have any more afternoons together dawned on her. I won't be biking her to school or picking her up - ever. Not for the foreseeable future, anyway.

Yesterday evening, we played soccer with the neighbor girls. She wore her new Barcelona jersey (number 10 Lionel Messi, away colors) and did the Messi cheer when she scored. She asked me whether I thought she would play soccer in America and if I would pay for it, if her mom couldn't. Later, she asked when our annual spring day in Tivoli (the old amusement park in downtown Copenhagen) was going to be. She perfectly well knew that no such day will happen this year, as I have no days off. And then, trying to pretend all her questions were unrelated, she wanted to make sure I would call her every day. She figured out that I could stay up till 11 and she would hurry back from school, and we could talk that way, despite the time difference.

It's horrible that she is leaving. I dread it and it clouds my mind.